I Should Be...

It's Friday. I should be at work, dreading being at work. I should be thinking about how much fun I'm gonna have doing whatever I have planned to do after my extremely long and boringly exhausting work day. I should be thinking about the gorgeous girl that I'm meeting up with tonight and if this is gonna end up being a good night. I should be thinking about the rest that I'm gonna get over the weekend. I should be thinking about playing golf over the weekend. I should be thinking about hanging out at the pool or playing basketball. There are plenty of other things, much more enjoyable things, that I should be doing and thinking of doing. Instead I'm not thinking of any of these wonderful things. I am however thinking about my future. Distant and immediate. Thinking, worrying, stressing, wondering, contemplating. I don't know how I got here again but I don't wanna be here. Life should be easy and fun and joyful. Still hoping. Still praying.

My Birthday

I'm sure it may seem strange to most people but I turned 30 last month and I didn't celebrate my birthday. Mostly it was due to the fact that I've recently become so overwhelmingly irritated by the rest of the world that i couldn't stand the thought of spending MY birthday pretending to like people. I decided that I would go to Key West instead, alone. I would do something fun, something that I thought would be good for me mentally. And well yeah that didn't exactly go as I planned. I wasn't able to go to Key West but I still didn't spend my birthday with too many people. I would've been completely content to spend a relaxing day at home. Wake up, workout, play some golf, go to bed early. Sounds like an old person I know. So I'm thinking maybe old people don't do this because they're tired and well old but maybe they do things like that because they just know that it's simpler and less trouble to just do something by themselves. Give me about 20-25 years and I'll have a more definite answer for ya.